One Lonely Week and One Big Ocean

The G-Man is far away on business so I’m alone this week in my nice German apartment in my nice German city….in Germany. And most of my friends are across a great big ocean. It’s a lonely, lonely existence. So in the mean time, I’m reading The Game of Thrones series (I officially started book 4), and watching movies about women who went/moved really far away but got over the loneliness by improving their lives and crap. The list is like this: The Holiday, Under the Tuscan Sun, Leap Year, Bridget Jones (doesn’t really count), and I’m getting to P.S. I love You- it’s just so sad.

I’ve had a lot of time to reflect about decisions, memories, events…  I still remember the first few times I saw the G-Man on campus and I remember thinking wow, he’s cute and that was the end of it. It wasn’t until he came to my apartment one night and said; I really like your blog, you are very smart. That was when I really started paying attention. What guy starts reading a blog of some girl he hardly knows? Better yet, what guy actually stops and listens when you have things to say that seem important when you are saying them, but afterwards, aren’t very important at all? And he is still like that to this day. He surprises me, and importantly, he gives me the warm and fuzzies. My main reason for coming to Germany is that he gets it, and he gets me and I love him.

Coming across that big ocean has been the biggest decision I’ve ever made. This isn’t college, you knew what you were getting into there but moving to a foreign country you’ve never been to? Yeah that’s a whole different thing. I didn’t exactly know what I was getting into here besides wanting to be with the G-Man. I never expected that I would have to try really hard to communicate with people far away, and in the process, I would realize that some people far away wouldn’t want to continue communicating with me. I’ve lost a few good (at least I thought they were) friends. I’ve been emailing, Facebook-ing, calling people and only half of my efforts see results. I’m not exactly sure what I expected though and maybe that is a personal issue.

I’m of the mind that friends treat you like friends; I don’t talk to people I don’t like or make time for people that waste it. I will never talk to a person again if they’ve pushed me to the point of no return and I always give fair warning. If I contact a person for two months and they never respond back, I assume that we aren’t friends anymore and I will stop trying. That is my nature. It’s not a great thing, it’s just who I am. And being abroad perhaps worsens that part of me- that is something you don’t expect when you become an expat. It’s like, well, now there is a 6-9 hour time difference between most of my friends and I, and although the G-Man and I made it through this without only a few scrapes and dings, this apparently will not be the case with everyone else.

I may be alone this week, and wishing I could be apple picking back home, shopping back in NYC, taking a stroll back in Florida,  or having a food adventure back in Cali, but at least I’m doing something productive by learning the impact of moving abroad on personal relationships. Sad way to end a post, but well, I’m sure this time next week I’ll have something much happier to say.

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10 thoughts on “One Lonely Week and One Big Ocean

  1. I’ll say to you what I’d say to you if you were in front of me – “You poor sausage!”. Learning who your real friends are is a big thing about moving away and it really upset me for quite a long time (and I think it still does a bit) that people who I thought were good friends just stopped bothering about me. I’d still keep in touch often, send cards and presents for birthdays, but it seemed that I’d dropped off the earth when I moved away. It hurts. Some of them actually have the balls to complain if you don’t come to see them when you’re home on your precious time back with people who actually do give a damn about you. You’ll figure it out and it’s going to suck for a while. Oh, and being in Germany, where the bulk of the natives aren’t terribly friendly or welcoming when you’d kill for a glass of wine with a girlfriend – well, that sucks too. Sending a cyber hug from one stranger to another. It does get better.

    1. Thank you so much for your kind words. It is a bit sucky, but I know I’ll manage through it. Especially when I have people that support me and write such nice comments when I need them most. Cyber hug back!

  2. I too had the expat experience of losing friends back home. There are people who don’t make any effort to contact me whilst I’m in Germany but are more than happy to get together when I’m in Australia. It is a strange thing. It’s an interesting way to learn who your real friends are.

    1. For real! I’m beginning to realize I have much less real friends than I imagined. But alas, I’ll get over it. Australia is super far away- how are you handling that???

  3. I’ve only lived out of the country once, and even though I had friends with me, it was still really hard being away from the majority of my family and friends. I’m sorry I’ve haven’t been too good about keeping up with correspondence – this school year is seriously kicking my butt, and by the time I get home, I usually just want to curl up with a book until I fall asleep.

  4. Hiya!

    I completely understand and can relate to you about loosing friends once you’ve moved away. I am experiencing that now and am terribly sad that people that I called close friends aren’t really calling or checking in.

    On a much positive front, I moved to Nurnberg with my husband 5 months ago. Slowly but surely this city is becoming home but finding friends is still a tad difficult. I was directed to your blog by bloggers in Regensburg, today!

    Would love to chat and/or get coffee if you are interested.

    I also blog, porkbierbelly.blogspot.com

  5. I moved to Freiburg, Germany about 4 months ago. Met another American through Twitter and our travel blogs last summer, and since he’s been living in Germany, I decided to move there. And we got married right before I moved. That’s the short version anyway. I’m not worried about losing my absolute best friends, but some of the others….who knows. It’s hard to tell right now since I’m traveling solo for 5 months, which just makes it even harder to keep in touch. But the thought of losing friends, growing apart because of the physical distance or just people not wanting to put in the effort, is tough. There are so many hard things about moving to a foreign country, so many of which you can’t even imagine until you’re already there. I hope things get easier for you, and hopefully you’ll make new friends there soon.

  6. Game of Thrones rules. I just watched the first episode on TNT-Serie last week (in English no less) and I absolutely loved it! I then had to buy the first book and have been reading it every night since.

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