The G-Man is far away on business so I’m alone this week in my nice German apartment in my nice German city….in Germany. And most of my friends are across a great big ocean. It’s a lonely, lonely existence. So in the mean time, I’m reading The Game of Thrones series (I officially started book 4), and watching movies about women who went/moved really far away but got over the loneliness by improving their lives and crap. The list is like this: The Holiday, Under the Tuscan Sun, Leap Year, Bridget Jones (doesn’t really count), and I’m getting to P.S. I love You- it’s just so sad.
I’ve had a lot of time to reflect about decisions, memories, events… I still remember the first few times I saw the G-Man on campus and I remember thinking wow, he’s cute and that was the end of it. It wasn’t until he came to my apartment one night and said; I really like your blog, you are very smart. That was when I really started paying attention. What guy starts reading a blog of some girl he hardly knows? Better yet, what guy actually stops and listens when you have things to say that seem important when you are saying them, but afterwards, aren’t very important at all? And he is still like that to this day. He surprises me, and importantly, he gives me the warm and fuzzies. My main reason for coming to Germany is that he gets it, and he gets me and I love him.
Coming across that big ocean has been the biggest decision I’ve ever made. This isn’t college, you knew what you were getting into there but moving to a foreign country you’ve never been to? Yeah that’s a whole different thing. I didn’t exactly know what I was getting into here besides wanting to be with the G-Man. I never expected that I would have to try really hard to communicate with people far away, and in the process, I would realize that some people far away wouldn’t want to continue communicating with me. I’ve lost a few good (at least I thought they were) friends. I’ve been emailing, Facebook-ing, calling people and only half of my efforts see results. I’m not exactly sure what I expected though and maybe that is a personal issue.
I’m of the mind that friends treat you like friends; I don’t talk to people I don’t like or make time for people that waste it. I will never talk to a person again if they’ve pushed me to the point of no return and I always give fair warning. If I contact a person for two months and they never respond back, I assume that we aren’t friends anymore and I will stop trying. That is my nature. It’s not a great thing, it’s just who I am. And being abroad perhaps worsens that part of me- that is something you don’t expect when you become an expat. It’s like, well, now there is a 6-9 hour time difference between most of my friends and I, and although the G-Man and I made it through this without only a few scrapes and dings, this apparently will not be the case with everyone else.
I may be alone this week, and wishing I could be apple picking back home, shopping back in NYC, taking a stroll back in Florida, or having a food adventure back in Cali, but at least I’m doing something productive by learning the impact of moving abroad on personal relationships. Sad way to end a post, but well, I’m sure this time next week I’ll have something much happier to say.