After many trips to the dr’s office, I’m still not over my recurring illnesses ranging from common colds to sinus infections to spinal blockage to bacterial infections. I cannot catch a break! I’ve also been working on my weight loss plan, since moving to Germany I’ve gained 20 pounds, and every time I start more exercise routines, I come down with another illness which affects my abilities. So I decided to restrict my diet more, and as it turns out, is a lot easier. Although this has rarely been an issue of mine, as most of you know. Sure I cannot live without chocolate, but also, I adjust my diet based on that. I hardly ever push past 1600 calories a day. And according to my past nutritionists, this has been my problem. I need to be eating 1900 a day to drop weight, but I’m just not there yet. More veggies, more protein, blah blah.
Anyway, I was making a list in my head of pros and cons of coming to Germany mostly because I was angry. So far, I’ve been sick most of the time, gained weight, had dismal failure in making friends and/or retaining them, have been incredibly stressed with work in a multitude of areas, and our neighbor is a crotchety jerk face who threatens to call the police on us if we, for instance, try to hang a picture on the wall at 6 at night. He has written us a letter just a day before Christmas Eve to tell us how loud we were the weekend before, but the thing was, we were loud because I came down with a case of the stomach flu, and that was a very loud experience. Naturally. This guy has some serious issues. And he reminded us just yesterday that we cannot be loud after 4 pm on Saturday, and not at all on Sunday. As per the German rules of loudness. This leaves us little to no time to hang up things on our walls, clean our house or even do laundry, yes he is that specific.
The pro here is that I’m with G-Man and I love him a lot, and I’m beginning to see what kind of life I want with him; children, family, adventure…. That is absolutely amazing. We spend more time laughing than we do fighting, which says a lot. But I want to feel appreciated in my career, challenged in my career, accountable and comfortable. One of my worst character flaws is dealing with authority. In every job I’ve had, the only ones I stuck with and loved were the ones where I respected my boss as much as they respected me. Pretty much every library job I’ve had, and working in Bryant Park in NYC with a pastry chef that had the same education, same teachers as me. Now that was pretty cool! But here is the thing, I’m close to 60,000 in debt for having my BS and MS, and I don’t want to work for people who don’t use my strengths and appreciate my work. This has been a problem in some of my more recent occupations, and although I could start caring less and not be affected by work, that’s not me. I need purpose, I need a reason to be hopeful in the morning when I get up. I don’t need stress and I don’t want to find purpose in having a family and getting married when I’m not doing my utmost in the other areas. I was that kid growing up that couldn’t go to the movie on Saturday night if I missed school on Friday for being sick. I didn’t feel that I deserved it; when you work hard, you have the right to play hard (although my hard playing is more like going to the movies or meeting with friends for a dinner).
Anyway those are my complaints currently.But I’m gonna make this work out, even if the cons seem to outweigh the pros, the pro is far more meaningful to me.