So we are getting married next week, and honestly, I’m a bit nervous. He’s not, of course, he takes it all very well. He’s the type that makes a decision (which takes a REALLY long time for him) and sticks with that decision because he’s given it a lot of thought and that’s enough for him. He picked out the couch we wanted at Ikea in maybe 10 minutes but wouldn’t commit to purchasing it for 3 hours. He didn’t even sample other couches, he just wanted to make sure that this was in fact, the right decision. That’s how he is. Me? Not so much. I’m impatient sometimes, indecisive at others, and emotion does cloud my judgment. But with marriage, that’s not what makes me nervous; being away from home does.
The idea that I’m getting married in a foreign country is…. I don’t know, scary? None of my friends or family will be here, nothing that I’ve grown up with will be here. When I was a kid, I wasn’t thinking about or planning my wedding. I was thinking about Indiana Jones, wanting to be like him and go on awesome adventures. And then I wanted to the President of the United States. And then I wanted to be a chef. And then I wanted to be a librarian. And then I wanted to be a professor of Library Science, and then be called on special missions regarding lost/ stolen artifacts of historical importance or solving mysteries like Robert Langdon (You know, the Dan Brown novels). For the most part, my ideas of the future were plausible, right? But not weddings….
No. I’m too shy, too clumsy and awkward for weddings. I would be in a fit of anxiety driven hysterics if I had a formal affair. Thus, I like the idea of weddings but never considered them. Hey, it’s not for everybody. But here I am getting married and we are just doing the civil service in Germany next week and having some sort of celebration in America next year. .
So, I never had any exuberant expectations for getting married. I just thought I would do it in America, with my friends and family there. But I’m here doing it, and I’m nervous. We did months of paperwork, went to the Standesamt 3 different times, I called every main office in Massachusetts for documents, and were finally given the go-ahead by the German government back in early October. We set the date and now it’s upon us, and although I’m really excited, I just wish there was something from home here to comfort me. I have a lot of wishes that cannot come true; for my Mom to be here (although I’m sure she’s very busy playing cards, watching good movies, gardening or making fried chicken up there in Heaven), for a box of Cheez-Its, for fairy lights strung up in a pretty room and a table of good food surrounded by even better friends and family.
And since we do this whole shebang next week, we miss my favorite family holiday, Thanksgiving. He’s away on business and when the weekend comes, he gets to have his much deserved, super awesome stag party. I get to stay in a hotel with a bathtub and get Indian or Mexican food takeout and watch movies on my laptop. I’ll have my own little Thanksgiving come Thursday, even though I cannot find a turkey here that is small enough to fit in my oven, I’ll still find a way. It just won’t be like last year, or the years when I was back in America. And no, this isn’t a pity party, it’s the honest to goodness truth, I never knew how lonely I was and how different my life would be until I moved to abroad. I never thought I’d be taking such a big step in my life in such an unfamiliar setting. The good thing is that I get to marry my best friend, and favorite person. That is what got me here and will get me to the Standesamt next week. And I guess that’s really all that matters, right?