Well not yet. This was a super tough year for me; adjusting to life here, trying to learn German (that didn’t go so well, I realized that I have a very difficult learning style when it comes to languages, and the formal setting is not for me!), I was sick ALL THE TIME, we had a very sad and personal loss in this month, missing home like crazy, not feeling like I fit in here or even understand this culture, and the job of doom, which preoccupied me much more than anything else! But it wasn’t all bad, I got married, I traveled to Italy (LOVE ITALY!), I went to Vienna, we had a hectic but nice trip back to the US in March together, I fell back in love with NYC in October, I quit the job of doom and a giant weight was lifted in that act alone. We move into a new apartment in a month that is bigger and not a fourth floor walk-up, and is closer to the park.
I have big plans for next year too. Since I’ll be out of work I’m going to attempt doing a yoga program, working out at the gym (which is even closer now!) 4-5 days a week, home decorating, maybe painting, figuring out my new life, and focusing on making myself happier when it seems that German makes me miserable, at least for now. I was really, REALLY, interested in getting a dog this year; I thought it would be a nice way to feel connected, motivated to get out and see more on long walks, taking care of and being cared for by something/someone other than my husband. And of course, I wanted a dog friend since I graduated high school, it’s a stepping stone in adulthood right? But the G-Man won’t agree to it, he says we travel 2-3 times a year and WHERE would our dog go? I think this is a German sentiment though because I was speaking to someone here once about their wedding and their in-laws wouldn’t come because they couldn’t bring the dog. It has been a topic that has been discussed over and over in detail but there is absolutely no solution. Totally sad.
I was also thinking about moving back home for a few months, finding success again as a librarian or a pastry chef, and just taking a break from my German life. That way I could feel like I’m in control, gain back the confidence I lost in my professional life, I could have friends again!, and I wouldn’t have to spend so much time alone because I’m not that funny or entertaining to myself anymore and I think that comes with getting older. I watched WAY too many episodes of Gilmore Girls since coming here, and I’ve gained nearly 10 kilos/ 20 pounds since coming here. Wouldn’t a break back home put me in a better mindset??! But alas, how could I give up my German Face? Ayyyyyye!
So after all my brainstorming with you guys, I think I’ll figure it all out. Moving abroad has made me more self-focused than I would like, but when you spend a lot of time alone and you are a bit miserable, it’s hard not to be that way, right? So I’ll try to find ways to make myself happier over here, and that in turn will make my adjustment better, and who knows, maybe I’ll even grow to love Germany? Stranger things have happened! Anyway Happy New Year to all of you and I hope I will be more positive and on the better side of being an expat next year!!! Best wishes 🙂