Love is in the air because love, actually is all around. The sun is shining more and is shining brighter and my mood is perking up, if only for that reason. That and I’m incredibly loved by a wonderful husband, that I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to live without. Yes, I know that sounds cheesy, and for some people, unexpected since I’m never completely straight forward with my feelings, but there it is. I’m in love, everyday, with my husband who believes in me, thinks I’m a great person (even though I get angry over little things once in a while), and tells me at least 3 times a day that he loves me back. He dances like a lunatic with me, and he listens to all of my made up songs or songs I stumble through when I forget the lyrics. We don’t hurt each other, we don’t make promises, and we are there for each other, gently pushing when needs be (he pushes me to give more second chances and not so harsh, and I push him to let loose and stop worrying so much). We go together like ham and jelly (Germans love their jellied ham!)
We’ve only been married for 2 1/2 months, can you believe it? I can’t tell you if it feels longer or shorter, but I can say it has been interesting. As a new wife, I haven’t figured it all out and sometimes I have no idea what I’m doing or what I want, but I have a good feeling that this comes in time. And when you commit to spending the rest of your life with someone, time is something you have.
I’m speaking from the bottom of my heart and this is me as honest as I can be. I never meant to be so depressed in my last posts, or disparaging to others in any way. A blog is a place where you can be free to express yourself in the world. I believe that by sharing my feelings and experiences, I can understand them better and learn how to make the best of them. And for the most part, it has helped me. Sometimes I rant, sometimes I’m indifferent, and sometimes I need a place to go where I can relate to other people. And importantly, it’s a place where you can be honest and have no regrets.
A few months back, we were dealt a tough hand. I had said I wouldn’t share it because it’s so personal and your personal pain should be your own. But I was speaking to a friend from back home earlier this week, and she asked me why I didn’t share it? Why don’t I talk about it, because not a lot of women do. Needless to say, she gave me a lot to think about. Miscarriages are difficult topics; no one really knows what to say or how to say it, and how to comfort a person. We were 11 weeks along, (first pregnancy), and I just had this bad feeling. The doctor confirmed it, and that was the end of it. I had been just telling myself, 12 weeks and you pass the test, and we fell short. I was devastated, depressed and angry. And I think you all felt that in my posts.
You may be asking, why are you sharing such an abysmal experience on Valentine’s Day, you doofus? Because there’s hope and there’s love. Remember that whole love actually quote up there, and all that lovey-dovey stuff I said about my G-Man? It’s all true. Bad stuff happens; you find yourself in a place you don’t understand, you don’t know how to handle and it all feels so foreign to you. You get depressed and feel alone, despite people wanting to be there for you. But he was there for me, and with me the whole time. He is the reason I stay here, that I re-motivate myself, and commit to finding a way out of this hole I put myself in and start feeling the sunshine on my face again. Life is difficult and can be sad, but it goes on and is defined by the people that give and take love, who are there for you at your best and your worst, and appreciate you even when you find it difficult to appreciate yourself.
That is love. That is the message I’m sharing. Embrace your parents, your siblings, your husbands, wives, girlfriends, boyfriends, children, dogs and cats, lizards, you name it. Embrace what you have, forget about what you don’t have for the time being. This day to me isn’t just about the significant other you found, it’s about all the significant others you have who make you feel significant too.
Thanks for reading everyone, and thanks for the support. You have no idea how much it and you mean to me.