There is more daylight again, I’ve had 3 job interviews and inquiries, we have two trips planned for the rest of the year, and did I mention the weather is improving? It’s absolutely amazing what sunshine can do for your attitude and disposition. Add that to being more active in the world, and next you know, the world is looking like a better place. And I don’t even care that I won’t be home for another year or so, Germany is starting to inch it’s way into my heart. I feel revitalized.
Last week I woke up feeling….old. Not physically, although after my numerous and oddly bizarre accidents that sometimes happens too, but mentally. It was the first time I felt that way and it’s hard to articulate it. One minute I’m planning a wedding, the next I have to cancel it for visa issues, and minutes later, I can’t help but feel relieved. I’ve already been home this year, and to be frank, I had a not-so-great time. We were running all over the place to see people that were, maybe, happy to see us but could never be expected to go out of their way to do the same here in Germany. So why should I be anxious to go back for a wedding that not everyone is interested in, besides me?
I live in Europe and I haven’t even seen most of it either!! I haven’t been to any of the places I wanted to see yet, some of these places I’ve been dreaming about since I was a kid,… and all of this made me feel old. I’ve spent too much time planning American trips and thinking about America and not enough time exploring my surroundings, which is not only more convenient but a crazy amount cheaper. I can’t put it off, I’ve got to see places and be excited about things unknown again.
When I was a kid, I hummed the theme to Indiana Jones all the time. It was my dream in life to be an adventurer; solve historical mysteries, travel the world to uncover truth, find myself in (controlled) peril once in a while, and be incredibly intelligent. It might seem ridiculous, but that was how I viewed librarians too. They were adventurous, they read books about the world, there was very little stress, and they were so smart because, well, it was/is the one place where the mind matters more than anything else. The library was a gateway to another world, the one were adventures were always within reach, and so I had to become one. (Only I couldn’t find a job in it, but that’s another story).
Now I’m here in Europe, within distance of some of the most historical, amazing centers of information and culture, AND LIBRARIES!, and I haven’t seen anything really. How much time do I have in life to see and do all of the awesome things I had hoped to? My Grandmother died at 36, my Mom almost died at 36, but thanks to modern medicine went on to her early 50s. That’s still just too young. And my Mom never went to half the places she wanted to see. Sometimes I’d wake up in the middle of the night and she would be in the living room, watching the travel channel. She never said anything about it, but I knew then that some part of her was interested in the rest of the world.
So here I am, a librarian adventurer who hasn’t been on an adventure in a long time. I will do better to see the world for my Mom, myself, our future children, and because who knows how long I have? I do plan on doing the wedding next year near Halloween in the Cape (my favorite time to be home in New England) for the friends that really want to come (and I especially want to see!), and we’re going to Greece, (adventure 1), and Ireland again. And maybe certain things won’t work out the way I want or planned, but at least I’m trying and right now, I’m feeling good.