What like, two months?? Things are slightly better than my last post; I no longer have as much time to wallow in my sadness now that Baby is getting her molars (WORST THING EVER), and running around with wild abandon. But it’s just as well, the less time you have to think about why you might be sad, the better it is to find happiness in the tiniest of moments. And I have found many a’ happy moment. I think the most amazing thing in parenthood is how all consuming it is; I honestly have no clue what I did before she came. And that’s ok, my life is much more exciting (and better!) with her following me around, demanding my attention, creating absolute havoc/mayhem/destruction, getting me to do loads of unintentional exercise, and making me laugh more times than not.
If you measure your self-worth by how perfect everything is or should be, you most likely won’t be worth much. But if you measure your self-worth by the happiness you derive from the effort you put into parenting and making your child smile, then I suspect many of us are worth so much more than we could have imagined. I think, as a new parent, you tend to do the former more than you’d like, especially because so many people are throwing comparisons, advice, tips, and expectations at you. And then— to add to some of the anxiety, the cultural differences of German and American parenting come into play. Medicine? Teething remedies? What is she eating? And as I’m the primary caretaker, the Stay-at-Home-Mama, I get really confused trying to find a balance. And I’m saddened by this gloomy, cold weather, my screaming child whose pain I cannot do anything about other than wait for those damn molars to pop through, my homesickness, my need to take a break from
Germany (which comes every year without fail, sometimes twice), my desire to feel more confident in Germany, my exhaustion…. all of this that is no different than any other new parent’s experiences. So I remind myself in these sad moments that I’m so very fortunate for what I have, for where I am, for who I am, and I smile inwardly (even if I don’t quite mean it just yet) because as everyone tells me, this too shall pass.
The future is light and full of promise. If I never felt it before, I can say it now with authority– my daughter is at the beginning of her life and I see loads of laughter, and fun to come. It’s exciting, and scary! And I’m really looking forward to it. I hope we are able to have some new adventures this year in traveling, anyone have some ideas as to where to go with a tiny (rambunctious) tot comfortably and warmly this April? And I will be less slow with my positing! Happy New Year everyone and as always, thanks for reading!