Thinking BIG

Parenting is all-consuming, at least for me it is. I love it absolitely, but I wish I had more hours in my day to reply to emails, talk to friends, take time out for myself, shower…. but slowly little pockets of time start to combine into a newfound freedom that I’m exhilarated to use and experience. At 6 am on *most* days for the past week, I’ve got a good half an hour to myself. images-1At first I used it to browse Facebook, get connected to the world again in somewhat useless way. Facebook drives me crazy sometimes and I’m quite convinced that no one is truly as they seem there. Anyway, now I write on little personal projects and I’m able to get some quiet happy time.  Well as quiet as I can get if only the little boy upstairs would stop dropping his toy from 5am-7am nonstop over my head. Ugh.

But this is not the only improvement in my life; I’ve begun exercising like never before. Trying to get into shape, taking time to myself to feel healthier and better. And I owe it to my girl H over at Pilates Studio Nürnberg! If any of you are in NBG and like pilates/yoga/exercise, go check her out! I’ve had about 5 physical trainers in my life, and she is by far the only one that makes me feel like I can do it. I’m a chubtastic lady, and while I know I always will be, I’d like to shed some of my fluff, not only for health and all that jazz, but because buying clothes in Germany sucks unless you are thin and have normal sized thighs.

Germany is…. ok. It’s weird. On one hand, raising my daughter here is/will be awesome. So many benefits, good education and all that. But on the other, neither the G-Man or I feel like this is our home. Maybe it’s because we don’t have a house we can paint or a garden to run in, or because we just feel like Bavarians are a wee bit cold. It could be all of those reasons and more. But we want to settle down soon and find our little spot in the world. That’s the plan. Find somewhere in Germany to love, and failing that, think of other places to go. I’m hesitant about going back to the US and I know that’s strange. I’m just not sure I can guarantee that O will get as many life goodies there as she does here. Here, she could walk herself to school, Unknown-1travel more, be exposed to all sorts of foreign languages, see her parents more too, and we can afford that life! There, she’ll get an American childhood (which, hey! I had and I’m alright!) that we’d both be working through, and our vacations would dwindle down to what? 2-4 weeks vacation a year? We get like 8-10 weeks here. Cost of living is lower here (where we are now), quality of life is higher, and I can dedicate a lot of time to my own creative pursuits. I’m just so torn about it. There is NOTHING wrong with the US, well there is, but it’s not like Germany is without faults either, you know what I mean?

I just want O to have the best, and I know somewhere inside of me that this isn’t dependent on where we are but rather how we are, but still…. it’s hard to think big long-term when you are making decisions that affect someone else, also known as parenting. I need to feel like I can give her things I never had. Believe me, I’m already succeeding based on the amazing amount of Lego DUPLO littering our floors (those suckers are sharp eh?). But yeah, we were poor growing up. Second hand clothes here and there, rice with butter for dinner, food stamps, welfare…. you name it. It was my mom raising us while harboring a disability from a stroke, and man, she was a strong woman! I’d like to think I’m strong like that, but I doubt it. I need to— I want to, take it easy in life. And when you are given the opportunity to live a life where you can travel 8 weeks a year, you get money to raise your kids 2013-06-07-PedrazaJavolemaloregardless of your income, and you feel like the government works for you, it’s hard to turn away from it. But then, will I ever be a working librarian? Wouldn’t she be proud to see me as a librarian working after school? Can I only do that in the US? Achhhh!! Thoughts are driving me crazy. Where is best? What is best?

Gotta think BIG. I have to make decisions! We need to find our home! What do you guys think? Am I just waxing-poetic? Were you lucky to find a place to settle in, and you couldn’t imagine being anywhere else? My dream place would be a village outside of a city, where there are plenty of parks, loads of nice, smiling, friendly people, the sea, good schools, and it’s not too cold! Where is that?!!

Advertisements

5 thoughts on “Thinking BIG

  1. Ireland! Except it can be a little cold. But otherwise friendly people, near the sea and nice atmosphere! baden Württemberg is quite nice but obviously no sea here and the friendliness of people a little mixed. But there are lots of lakes which are nice in summer.

  2. Hi Allie,
    Have really enjoyed your blog posts and your unabashed honesty. Finally am making a point to say hello! I also am an American in Germany and understand this constant debate in your head about where is best- there are so many pros and cons to both places that my feelings change every day on the subject on what is best. Maybe we need to think more what is best right now? Or maybe there isn’t one perfect BEST we have to focus on? I guess I have to change the perameters of this topic on my head otherwise it gets to daunting for me as I try to plan out a future I cannot fully control. A friend and I joke about this perfect island in the middle of the Atlantic we are going to found that has the best of both worlds- I will let you know when it is up and running 🙂

  3. Hi Allie, all the best wishes for you settling in! As for me, after several years living here, I finally feel really, truly at home in Munich. But it definitely took time! When I first moved to Europe, it was to Prague, and the city instantly attached itself to my heart. I knew I was in love the moment I stepped foot in the city center. A year later I packed up and moved to follow another side of my heart (the one in love with a German guy!) to Munich. And I’ve got to admit, at first Munich just paled in comparison to Prague! I wasn’t digging it. Prague had that WOW factor, the infatuation. Munich just didn’t. BUT!!! There is a happy ending to this story 😀 After a few years, Munich REALLY grew on me! Munich is a slow love — it took time but by year three I realized I was falling heavy and hard. And now I’m in love. Of course I still think about Prague from time to time and what could have been 😉 lol That city will always have a piece of my heart, but now I finally feel at home in Munich.

  4. Hello,

    if you want to stay in Bavaria and want Nature and all. I can advice you the Nature- and Nationalpark Bavarian Forest! High Living-Standard and Work is a lot of here and people are friendly an very nice! If you want to know more just write me here and contact me.
    But all this depends also about a Job for You and Your husband!
    So i can recommend you some Companies because of the business (Hotel) what i have here! This companies always look for workers!
    We have in our Hotel sometimes people here, even from USA for immigration in Germany and other parts of Europe and the World. They are first here searching for Jobs and home till they find one then they check out.

    Houses to buy are cheap here, older Farms you can buy for some Ten-Thousands Euros with land of course! Today a Woman from Taiwan look for a house near by Cham. It should be cheap because it is old, but she has 7 dogs and need a big garden and a old house for working and designing the house like she like to have it just an example.
    I think the House directly inside the village she can get for 70 Thousand Euros!
    Another Woman from the USA bought a house nearby here for 25 Thousand Euros! Over 100 Year old house. She is artist and also want todo for herself all in this house!
    Just as examples!

    If you buy a farm, you can of course have some animals and horses and so on…

    I live here my whole life, i also lived in bigger Cities but it is good to live on Country Side now! I live in a little Town called Cham and the surrounding here is very nice!
    If you want to know more about the Nature- and Nationalpark Bavarian Forest you can go to this Website:
    http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bayerischer_Wald
    http://www.bayrischer-wald.de/
    http://www.arberland-bayerischer-wald.de/
    http://www.bodenmais.de/
    http://www.cham.de/
    You can also work in the Touristbusiness here and make more advertisement for the Nationalpark and Bavaria for US-People and bring them here! You have so much possibilities! Just try out!

    If you want to know more about here. Use my Email adress and write me.

    Thanks.

    Greetings from the Nature- and Nationalpark Bavarian Forest,
    Michael

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s