The View From Here

I’m writing this post from our rented couch in Brooklyn, sitting next to my daughter who is watching Inside Out for the 1 millionth time, and only one of us is dressed, guess which one? Anyway, life in Brooklyn, in NYC, has been exciting, difficult, and challenging.

Career-wise, I’m pretty awesome, not to brag. Ok, I’m not really but someone somewhere might consider me as a pretty awesome librarian. Firstly, because I can find any book anywhere and if not, I can put it on hold for you. Also, I do my homework when I do my storytimes; the amount of singing I do at storytime is astounding. Also, I don’t rat my coworkers out to the admin whenever they do things pretty horrible/wrong. I decorated the crap out the children’s space, and the children mostly like me (except the ones that play games on the computer and are exceptionally annoying— no not annoying, because they might internalize that, they are exceptionally loud, there!). Also, my boss seems to like me about 33% of the time, which yeah, is great considering he liked me exactly 10% of the time when I started.

Mommy-wise, I miss my child. I don’t enjoy our current situation with nanny-sharing and all that business. You have to pay out of you nose for someone you sorta-like (this is probably due to me not understanding her and her close relationship with the other mom in the share, who does not talk to me) to take care of your child— how much, you ask? About….. all of your salary. Now, I understand why she should make that money, totally I do. In fact, she deserves to make more, because being a nanny has got to be a tough job. But I cannot afford that. And I was unlucky in my pursuits to land a great daycare (how do New Yorkers— Americans do that? It is so much more difficult, and expensive over here). And she takes my kid out to parks, to sing-a-longs too. But she also calls my daughter Lily when her name is Livi, and that’s where the problems begin. But I digress, this is not a place to complain, it’s not lost on me how lucky I am to even be in this situation,

 

Living-wise, it kind of stinks. Germany takes the cake for quality of life, and cost of living. Groceries can cost a fortune, and I even became quite adept at couponing. My packages keep getting stolen, and the owners of the house kinda despises me, not sure why. I don’t do well when I have conflict at home, and I learned especially here in Brooklyn that I in a fight or flight scenario, I am the flight part. And that’s incredibly unhealthy.

And then add the recent events in the US to your constant thoughts and analysis, and you’ve got the makings of an emotional outburst. I work with Black Americans, I am of a mixed background, but I am considered a Black American, which I’ve accepted very early on in life. And my patrons are Black Americans, and last week, I had to answer a kid who wanted to know if getting shot hurts more as a black person because in movies, white people get shot all the time and live, but in reality, black people get shot and die. I’ll tell you, I didn’t answer that as well as I would have liked. Because how do you answer that 8 year-old boy?

And all of this is coming to an end as we round the final corner on our Brooklyn adventure. Next month we fly back, and Livi starts school. And I go back to trying to do something and somewhat failing at it. But you know what? Although I’ll miss the career, feeling useful and attempting to make a difference, I think I’m ready to go too. There is beauty all over NYC and Brooklyn, and you have the opportunity to have a great time and enjoy the city that never sleeps. But honestly, I’m really tired and I’m not that young anymore either; my knee hurts after I’ve gone up eight flights of stairs in 3 minutes, and my shoes are falling apart from all the walking, and I can’t order more because my packages keep getting stolen, and I can’t talk to my landlord about stating to USPS that no packages should be left outside because she despises me, and I can’t ask the nanny to be there because if she were, she wouldn’t answer the door because she won’t hear the door, because when she is home with Livi, she puts the TV on first thing despite my asking her otherwise. So really. I’m on my own.

The view from here isn’t bad, but it has changed with older, more experienced eyes looking on it. I know that I can see, and I can be, better than this, I just have to work harder.

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2 thoughts on “The View From Here

  1. Oh man, you’re back in the states! Just found your blog, a possibility my husband will be taking a brewer position at a new American style brewery in Nberg. I’ll read through your archives, but if I have any questions would you offer commentary/advice?

  2. Hang in there! Sounds like there are several things nipping at your heals in the current space you’re in. Fortunately, the good news is that change is around the corner. Not “dreamy” change, but CERTAIN change. I’m happy that you’ll be journeying to a familiar place that at least gave you more comfort. Congrats!

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