I haven’t forgotten this space, this zone where I write my feelings and feel free to express life in Germany. I just…whewww, there’s been some stuff. One day, hopefully soon, I’ll write about and lay it all out there. But right now, it’s locked within me, struggling to come out as coherent. I still haven’t made sense of it.
One of my best friends died in February. She was 32 years-old, and she was, in a lot of ways, my silly soulmate. We communicated through fragments, laughs and our own ridiculous language. We were SO different but in the ways that mattered, we were very much alike. We’d been friends since…2004? Sophomore year of college. We met through our other mutual, best friend, and since then, it was magic. My Mom loved her, she said we were trouble together, and nonstop laughter. She was right.
Over the years, our friendship got rocky. It’s easier to focus on what was good than what was wrong. We both did that. We liked avoiding reality when it didn’t suit us, although she was particularly gifted at it whereas I struggled. I’m a dreamer, yes, but I have my limitations. I want to say we worked through them, but I gave up. I have my reasons, and they were good ones too, but I will regret not speaking to her one last time. Not giggling over something or another.
Moving aside from that, I’ve been dodging my emotions while working on my book(s). I’m still revising, restructuring book 1, and I’m about 66k into the second book!! This is…unbelievable. All of my life, I wrote. But I’d never finished anything in a way that made me happy. I would get to 90% done and then through it away. I don’t know why this is different, maybe it’s my age, my more focused imagination or my heart is just into it, but I’m loving it. I have ideas for other stories, some good and doable, some in need of refinement. I think I may found my calling. OR I suck and no one wants to tell me. Either way, it’s kept my mind and sanity in place. And, I don’t know. I’m just…happy.
I’m also dealing with hypothyroidism, and a weird metabolic disease that has FINALLY been diagnosed by not 1, but 7 doctors. So that’s taking a lot of time, going through health insurance and making plans, appointments. It’s actually a lot of work, but at some point, I’ll be on track.
When I’m not doing these things, I’m trying to beat my friends on FitBit. I’m not winning, but most days I’m over 10,000 steps so I have that going for me. I also went to Amsterdam last month for 4 days, and guys, it’s gorgeous. Go there. You might get struck by a cyclist (there’s a million of them), and you’ll eye the narrow, steep stairs, in fear, but it’ll be incredible. And since I am not going to the US this year, unless of course, some amazing opportunity presents itself, I’m looking into more trips around Europe.
Back to Copenhagen, Ireland for the 3rd time probably, maybe London for the first time, Edinburgh (because it looks amazing)…basically anywhere but home. Given the insanity of the US currently, I think that’s a good idea.
Anyway, how are all of you? What have you been up to?